Channeling Brie Vandecamp

     Last Friday was my Dad's birthday. I had him, his wife, my uncle (his brother) and my kids over for dinner. I planned the menu, cleaned the house, baked a cake, and went into a mini panic on the way home from work Friday afternoon. I rushed home, showered, last minute cleaning, and O NO!!....time to get the kids. Back in the car, rush to the grocery store for a beer can chicken roaster, pick up the kids, rushing home, and Dad calls-they are at my house waiting for me and let themselves in! Did I remember to vacuum? Check. Scrub the kitchen counters? Check. Clean the bathroom? Uh Oh! ....Ring around the toilet, I thought I was gonna die!

     Keep in mind folks I am a single mom of 2, one of which is a toddler. (Need I say more?) I work full time, I am determined to have a home cooked meal on the table every night. I do my best to keep a tidy home, but sometimes things do fall through the cracks. When I plan even the slightest thing out of our regular routine, alot tends to fall through the cracks. I know I am too hard on myself, and expect the impossible out of myself and my kids. So the night of my Dad's birthday dinner I did something I never really do, I let myself off the hook.

     The feelings of shame rushed to the surface upon realization of me not cleaning the bathroom, but for the first time I promptly stopped them in their tracks! I said to myself, "Adrienne, it's ok. They are family and if they can't understand that I have too much on my plate to have everything perfect, F them!! " Of course I would never say that out loud (whoops, they might read this!), and they never mentioned the dirty bathroom, though I am sure they all noticed. But my point here is how proud I am of myself letting go of that shame. It  freed me up to sit back, relax, and really enjoy myself. It was quite a revelation, it truly was.

     Revelations aside, I still do wish I could channel Brie Vandecamp. (Desperate Housewives) The way she stuffs her emotions, is always appropriate, impeccably groomed, and every dinner is a 5 course affair. I just LOVE her! (Her parenting skills aside! LOL) So it wasn't a Brie Vandecamp dinner, but it was a smashing success.

    
   

A good old fashioned A-hole!!

     I work construction, and as everyone knows it's a career that appeals to mostly men. Very few of us women on the job sites, or in the trades at all. Being one of only a handful of women, I am a victim of sexism on a pretty regular basis. I was warned before going into this career, and as result I am hyper aware of it.

     Sexism comes in many forms. One time it may be the man (or men), that makes me do all the heavy lifting type of work to "show me" what I got myself into. (i. e. run me off.)  Other times it may be the man that won't let me do anything either because he thinks I'm too stupid to figure it out, or he is trying to be extra polite, but same end result-boredom. I stand around doing nothing all day. Sometimes it's unintentional I'm sure, he or they simply just don't know how to act around me. I even understand where they are coming form a little. That has always traditionally been a man's world, but no more!

     Friday at work, I came to the realization that some men aren't sexist at all, they are just a-holes. I have spent the last 2 weeks at my new job dealing with some real jerks. Pranks, comments, the whole 9 yards, there have been some real mature winners on this job site! But one guy in particular stands out. He always has something to say. I thought it was his attitude toward women, he is an old timer and they seem to be more set in their ways. I see him every day, but we work for different companies doing different jobs. I ran into him alot last week and was observing his actions. I figured out his type, he's not sexist, he is an equal opportunity a-hole!

     Does this mean that others I assumed were treating me badly because I am a woman, really weren't? Was I wrong to assume they were sexist? Was I looking for it because that's what I feared the most? I guess it feels good to know that people like that treat everyone like sh*t, it's not just because I am a woman. Never thought I would be glad to meet a good old fashioned a-hole!

Settling in....

     Finding time to write seems equivalent to walking a tight rope at this point in my life! Handsome Mortal is sick, tonsillitis, SPF had a slumber party last weekend, and I have actually managed to make it to work every day. Getting back into my work routine has proven very hard.  Somehow I have managed, but I keep forgetting to take my prepared meals out of the freezer! Why is the eternal dilemma - what's for dinner? - always the thorn in our sides? But I have gotten some kind of homemade dinner on the table every night!

     Sometimes I just sit back and am absolutely amazed at myself. The amount I manage to accomplish, and balance in my life. I am impressed with my strength. Physical, mental, and inner strength. Working on a construction site and being able to do all that is required of me gives me loads of self confidence! Balancing that with my family life just increases that feeling. I can't help but look at myself as if I am looking at somebody else, I never would have thought me capable. Of course I'm usually too busy beating myself up for all kinds of other things, that I don't give myself the credit I deserve. Little by little we move forward, always by inches, never by feet.

     We are all settled in the new place, and we are so much happier. Time to get the little ones off to bed. Tomorrow is picture day for SPF, and I have no clue how to approach that. What hair style could I possibly do that will be quick tonight, make it thru the night, and survive her abuse for 5 hours in the morning before she gets the pic took? I guess I have to pick my battles, as my friend in Vegas would tell me. Well I think I am going to end this scatter brained blog entry now. More to come....

I got a job today

     It's been so long since I have wrote anything. I have however, kept my promise, and have been photo documenting little moments in our lives. Not much good it does when I'm too lazy to go get the camera and actually post the pics. Oh well, it's small steps, right?

     I have been so busy with the move I have had no time to write. Yet somehow this blog remains on my mind much of the time. I am finding that my relationship with this blog is blossoming into the type of relationship one would have with a human. I think about it often, and feel guilty when I don't tend to it. Then the longer I am away, the guiltier I feel, and find it harder to return. That is very much like a personal relationship, one with your mother perhaps? I feel as if I am letting someone down if I don't write. Then I wake up and remind myself that I, and maybe a couple of family members, are the only ones that are going to read this blog. So F*** it, I'm writing today. No need to slither in on my belly.

     Well the move went as well as one could expect a move to go. Hired some idiots that managed to milk their hourly wage for all it's worth, but worked at a steady pace and eventually got the job done. Good news on the home front, I got a job today. Excited that I am working again, yet dreading the gruesome schedule. The construction industry is not only hard on your nails, it's hell on your beauty sleep too! Getting laid off came at a perfect time, and so did going back to work. I only spent a month down, can't really complain. Now I'm up and running again.

     I'm off to bed, lots to do tomorrow. SPF has her birthday / slumber party tomorrow. Every time I host one of these things I feel the need to knock myself out so everything will be perfect. I had alot of money in a past life, so I use go all out financially too. Things have changed but my attitude has not. Luckily I have the sweetest 8yo that is not the least bit spoiled and understands things are different now. Goodnight on that note.